The Sarah Diaries: Goodbye My Almost Lover

sarah-insta
sarah-insta
As I’m sitting here typing this blog, I’m torn between feeling ashamed in myself, anger, and hurt to the point of tears. They say, first time – shame on them, second time, shame on me. What about the third, and fourth times?
The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem, so let me share with you my stupidity or problem if you will. Fingers crossed this will prevent anyone else from being in my shoes and wearing the dunce hat so shamelessly. Christmas of 2013, I went south for a week. My friends talked me in to joining them for their first trip to Disney as a family. While down there, this guy, we’ll call him “Florida” and I started chatting via OKCupid and had some crazy instant connection. We ended up on a date to Gatorland of all places – which was super fun!
After returning to Michigan we continued to chat, and get to know each other. I honestly whole heartedly thought I found my person. I started job and apartment hunting and began mentally preparing myself to move to Florida. Looking back I’m SO happy that never happened.
Fast forward 2 years later, and I’ve assumed the role of his 2nd best option. It never fails, I get him out of my system and BOOM, he pops right back up. Conveniently it always when he’s had a falling out with his girlfriend, and I’ve allowed it. Like an idiot.
It’s amazing how social media can change things – and I fully credit Facebook for my discovery that they weren’t over. After calling him out, getting hit with the truth AGAIN, I can’t help but blame myself for all of this.
It’s not just Florida that I’ve fallen in to this pattern with. A few months after Florida and I ended our first round in 2014, I met “Michigan” – and guess what? Yep, stupid me, fell right in to his pattern, eerily similar to that of Florida’s.
Two years… TWO YEARS! That’s how long it’s taken me to realize I’m an idiot. Between the horrible dates, and the good ones with other guys, Michigan and Florida have had some magic control over me. Both of them pop in and out of my life when it’s convenient for them – ie, when problems with their women arise. And I let them, I put up little to no fight to prevent it.
Well, that was until today…
I’m not sure what’s so different about this morning, but I’ve decided my 12 step to recovery from both of them starts today.
It’s amazing what telling someone how you really feel and that “Block” button can do.
Here’s to 2017 being filled with less of them, and more of me rediscovering me.
Cheers!
-Sarah