No, it’s not “I Love You!”, that tends to flow from my lips quite freely. For me those 3 words are “What Are We?” There’s nothing worse than being interested in someone, thinking your both on the same page but you’re not quite sure. Except for maybe the slight bit of fear that comes over you when you begin over thinking every. single. thing.
Have I mentioned in one of these before that I over think everything? Just checking.
A few weeks ago I was having dinner with a friend, casually updating each other on life. She asked if I was excited over anyone, or if there were any prospects in my future. I rambled off a few guys, nothing serious – they all want one thing and I’m not playing that game anymore. But there was one… I just didn’t (and technically still don’t) know what he thinks. We are friends, have a good time when we see each other, and our chat’s always seem to flow very easily. I’ve been told these are all good thing! For the life of me, I just can’t figure out what’s going through his mind regarding me. Am I just a friend? Or does/has he considered something more?
She promptly follow up with “Are you willing to ask him and possibly hear something you won’t like?” Which snapped me back to reality in all of half a second. Honestly, no I wasn’t, and really I’m still not. It scares me to think that asking a simple 3 word question could change our entire relationship. Granted I understand that it could change it for the best, but I’m not quite ready to face it if it makes everything strange and awkward moving forward.
I’ve been down this road before, and it didn’t go well. Not only was I heartbroken over the loss of someone I thought could have been “my person,” I was even more heartbroken over the loss of someone that I had become so close with. We would talk for hours every day either on the phone or in person, and one day it all stopped.
I know, I know… You’re reading this going “Seriously Sarah, it’s called life.” I agree. But what do you do when the fear and “what if’s” take over?
A wise woman once told me “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” My problem is, I’m just far to comfortable with him and our current status as friends or whatever we are, to cross that boundary line.
Well, at least for right now.
I’m giving myself a deadline, an ultimatum if you will of 2 weeks. Either figure it out before, or ask.
Hopefully, all will go accordingly. If not, well, I guess I’ll have a topic for a new diary entry.
Cheers!
-Sarah
